Mr. Marshmallow Series | Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
His American Eagle pants-$48
His Abercrombie and Fitch shirt-$38
His Calvin Klien boxers-$17
Seeing him smile- PRICELESS
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I write down all things that bother me since 2 weeks ago. After I got intoxicated by my addiction to Mr. Marshmallow, I think I supposed to seek antidote before I die young.

Suddenly I got a good idea to distract my mind from him, by describing my feeling to him. While I seek proper words to arrange in my diary, I think I can distract my brain from his appearance, my curious about what he's doing right now, or should I check his social network to know what he's doing right now.

And well, I think my idea about writing diary is not bad either, I can distract my brain to think about him for about 50% decreased than before. But, the compensation is: my diary is about to full ㅋㅋㅋ. Now I have no idea about what should I write so I will type my diary content in this blog to complete my Mr. Marshmallow series. I know my habit having this kind of love is not right and only hurt me more. I know I suppose to end this kind of feeling someday, but still I have right admire him right? Still I have a chance to become his love right?

I don't know what is God's planning, all I know I just leave the rest to you, God!

Page 1 Prologue

His eyes is so shine. Its give me a feeling of a free bird that ready for fly high to welcome new day. I don't know what make this guy so special in my heart. Maybe his pinked-lips which make that sweet smile? Maybe his candy eye? What can of guy have that appearance? But I bet everyone who look at him will agree with me. He has something called beauty. I really am into him. He's not tall tough, but he's attractive. His bright skin and his rounded eyes can give my heart present what we call a peace.

Page 2 20121023

Isn't he so sweet, God? Is that You who send him to me? If it yes, this is the sweetest present that I have ever have. Should I have him, God? Cause my feeling said so.

God, why is he so cute? 난 정말 그 사람이보고
May I miss him? 私は彼に会いたい

Page 3 20121025

God, I wanna make him realize how special he's in my heart
God, thanks to gather us today, really surprise that I never expected. Please make him mine, God!
I wonder why people's heart is so amazing. It can detect who can flutter it with its radar called love.

Page 4 20121027

God, he talks with me and treats me like a princess, but I am just kidding around. I really don't know what should I do to attract his feeling into mine?

I really am into him, I am in love with him, maybe? I just can't barely stop comment his status just because I miss him. Would he talk to me while I am not around him? I wonder if he has same feeling with me

Page 5 20121109

God, why you let me  grow my feeling to him this much? I know he's someone else'e guy but why I keep loving him? I just want to be love by someone I love too, God.

I really am stupid become like this. Being a fan is a crime for mylife, I shouldn't do this. He even didn't put any interest to me, right? For him, I am just nothing. Just something might come and gone.

God, please give me a chance to change my path of life to be better and brighter. I know I should do this earlier, but without any falls, I will not learn everything. And may let all the best for me. Thank you God!

I think, I am really sorry for myself. I really upset for everything that happened to me. I wanna cry, but no single of tear flow from my eyes. Even my eyes cheat me!

I feel like running in a circle with no dead end. I just confused by view around me. This kind of way isn't different at all, I don't want to fall and trap in same way and same hole like before. It's too much pain. God, please save me and let me out of this way.

Page 6 20121110

Should I cry a river? He even confess he's not serious with me. Should I continue, God?

Page 7 20121111

I really am upset seeing him walk with another woman, even to think about it my heart feels like sliced into the thinnest shape. Do I have right to crush my self like this?

Page 8 20121112 Us and Melody Rain

I like walking in the rain, cause no one knows I am crying

I should not write what's happening with me and him today because it can arouse my dream and my passion to have him. I think today will become our last miserable meeting so I shouldn't bother myself to apply make up or something which can make me feel more beauty.

But the end is beyond my imagination. Our last meeting is an happy ending story. If I have to write down a short story or a novel, I have a great anticlimax!

Without any plans, we were in a 病院 long corridor. I walked with 2 other friends, Eda and Aya but suddenly I met him and I was "kidnapped" by him. His smile blinded me in a blinked of eye. Firstly, I think there's something wrong, I was too enjoying that situation. I walked with him side by side.

We were walking not too slow, not to fat either. Our conversation flew just too normal I think. We only chatted via BBM (Blackberry Messenger) only but our conversation in real life was started from that moment and it was going too smooth. That's why I love him, he gives me more than comfortable feeling. But ironically, it may be my conversation with him, but I wonder would it be the last?

Okay, let me continue our journey in hospital. We walked to radiology to send his homework, but luckily his Supervisor in radiology was not there so I have one more chance to take a bonus trip with him to 放射線治療. While we waited for his Supervisor, we chat for about 5-7 minutes.

Every minute we took as if replace every month to a couple through their date and knowing each other. Our conversation was so advance to believe but all of them were joke only. He even said "Why I've just known you when almost being doctor? If I knew you since a long time ago, I will
make you mine." My heart was like stop beating for a quarter second, because I am holding my self to be happy while I know it may be another joke he said to me. I am too afraid ask his status, whether he's single or not. What a waste question.

When that journey was about come to an end, he suddenly hug me from behind and our love fantasy would be stop by facing an epilogue. And he said a "break" in this no-based relationship. I know he pay attention to me not because he didn't think about me seriously. Maybe his condition is just like me, complicated!

I know I have a place in his heart, a bit tough. That's okay, I know I came to his life with no reason in a wrong place. Maybe I will have my right man in right time.

Page 9 20121113

Thanks God to give me something precious to be learn. Through him, I've learned how to love someone fully, without any expectation. How could I love him while he's not mine n someone's else. It's practically simpler than I thought. Maybe what proverb said is right: learning by doing! And all the things I can say just: I will continue loving someone I love and I will let them find their own happiness so, I will get another happiness. Smile will always help me to lift my courage. :) Thanks God.

By only seeing his picture makes me happy. :')
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Theme songs: 
All About Us (He Is We ft Aaron Gillespie)